He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
that is very illegal...i love you.
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