I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
