so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
