Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
