Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
