I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
