How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
