my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
