you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize