My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
