Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
