I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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