Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
