Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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