I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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