I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
