I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
