they need to just BURY HIM!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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