the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
