My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i think my cat just said my name.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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