Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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