Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
