I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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