She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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