We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
