my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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