also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
