Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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