just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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