So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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