I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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