I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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