What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize