Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
