Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
