do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
