But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
