Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
