I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
