I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
