your thong is hanging out like whoa
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize