i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
