If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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