if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
