I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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