she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
