I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i barfeds in our rink
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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