You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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