They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
