i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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