I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
