I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
