i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
