Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
