Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Randomize
