You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
