she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
