you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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